Or: Laying Bare All Your Faults to the Poor Sephora MUA
Life is too short to *not* ask the makeup artist to surprise you. Life is too short. Actual Donald Trump is the president, and I can rock teal lipstick. Nothing is impossible…
Here is what you need to know about me. I own a makeup case bigger than most purses I would consider using. If I had saved all my friends and family from my burning house, I would run in to rescue my makeup case. I’ve got a bad case of over-attachment to my replaceable, but also precious cosmetics. Honestly, I’m not sorry.
Over the past few months, I’ve been resisting my ‘keep it all’ instincts, and purging years-old makeup from my collection. When it was all over, I found my arsenal, as it were, was significantly less well-rounded than I had realized. Apparently, thirty different drugstore eyeshadow quads from 2011 doesn’t count as ‘well-stocked’? Shocking.
So you can imagine my earth-shattering delight when I was gifted…more than one Sephora giftcard over this Holiday season. But then, there I was: standing in my local Sephora, with a small fortune in giftcards, with alarm bells are going off in my head. As it turns out, I am more likely to second-guess myself in a Sephora, than I am in any other situation in my life. Every last Youtuber swears by their Beautyblender. Is it worth it to get a contour kit? What even is my skin type? PANIC AND CHAOS. I got pushed into the Benefit display by someone who could have been no older than fifteen, running through the store desperately clutching a bottle of setting spray. “How fitting.” I thought, thankful I had not been impaled by eyebrow pomade testers.
Defeated, I spent the next two days aimlessly clicking through pages on Sephora’s website. It was as if I don’t know anything about makeup, again. But by God, I was determined. I was pleasantly surprised, when I was informed that a purchase of fifty dollars or more gets you a custom session with a makeup artist at Sephora. I was dead set on it. A poor makeup artist would be subjected to my yammering on about how I couldn’t find my undertones for a solid forty-five minutes. I imagined a chorus of Sephora employees singing ‘Fix You’, and sending me on my way.
A glorious image, truly.
The most accessible method of setting an appointment is to do so via their website, so that’s how I arranged mine. I set my appointment to coincide with the same day I went to Disneyland. Downtown Disney’s Sephora is about halfway through the mall itself, right next to the side entrance to the Grand Californian Hotel. I would consider its inventory to be a bit more abridged than your average Sephora. But I don’t consider this a bad thing, seeing as one isn’t really at Disneyland to pick up a specific skincare product or another.
I would be getting the custom makeover, which focuses more on the actual makeup. Sephora does offer a more extensive option available after a $125 purchase. But for today, I’m just focusing on the former. The foundation (no pun intended) of your consultation is to tailor a look based on products, or techniques you’re curious about.
But if you’re like me, and you’re a little aimless on what you specifically want, they will also help direct you. They’re used to seeing people from a wide range of knowledge, so don’t think one absolutely has to go in armed to the teeth exact specifications.
Dianna was my makeup artist. There were several other artists walking around, who would come to watch, and encourage from time to time. I would not consider this the norm, because I was at Disneyland during the lunch hour of the off-season. But it truly was fun, and felt like a safe, collaborative environment. At least, that’s what it from the makeup chair.
A session starts from the ground up, so if you’re wearing anything, they take it off for you. As the reigning queen of ‘over-analyzing and second guessing’, I straight up asked her what she would consider my skin type to be. That’s how hamstrung I was over my own face. It just goes to show I got issues to work through, hah. She took one look at my face, and immediately concluded ‘your skin is really dry’. She proceeded to fetch me some moisturizers by Fresh, a veritable bouquet of rose-infused goos which, together, made my skin look and feel more radiant than I have, perhaps ever. That’s not even an exaggeration.
By this point, things began happening quite fast, and I failed to pick up most of the brands, and purposes of each product she used on my face, even before we got to the makeup. That’s my mistake. My favorite skincare product she used on me was Peter Thomas Roth’s Peeling Gel . It was described as ‘a peel, but not really that intense.’ To my uncontrollable joy, it took off all the layers of dead skin that were piled up on my face. Honestly, there were rolls of it sloughing off my face with a cotton pad. It was cathartic, I almost cried. Good riddance, and may you never unceremoniously make my makeup look like a dried-up riverbed ever again.
We settled on a look that would focus more on what I would consider to be the framing parts of the face: the cheeks, and the eyebrows. I would definitely *not* recommend using my jargon, because I know next to nothing. I told her how clueless I was, when it came to these parts of my face, and she immediately knew what to do.
But Noela? How, in a post-Jenner culture[1], do you still not know how to do the classic 2010s trend of ‘lines so sharp you could kill a person’? Well, I’m glad you asked. Since I was a wee lamb in the early millennium , it was agreed-upon that my eyebrows were, as my dear mother would describe: ‘a strong feature’ and needed no further enhancement.
So, I simply never learned until one day, Instagram was born, and eyebrows became a commodity hotter than..spices in the middle ages?[2] Truly, I’m behind on the times. Then again, my primary late 2000s goal was ‘don’t die’. So in the end, I was late to the party. You will find that to be a habit of mine.
Dianna took her time explaining the basic geometry that goes into constructing a look, in terms I understood. Most of all, I never felt like I was being talked down to. It really felt like a conversation, where I was able to walk away feeling like I had the tools, and knowledge to improve my skills.
I got comfortable enough to the point where, by the end of our session, I trusted her judgement enough to let her have as much experimental freedom as she wanted. She sculpted eyebrows onto my face that were strong enough to deadlift my body weight. There I go, with the metaphors. It’s fine. For every day, I wouldn’t necessarily do my eyebrows as bold as she did. But then again, I was at Disneyland, life was grand, and I was *living* for it. At the very end, she asked me what kind of lipcolor I was in the mood for. We had briefly discussed red a bit beforehand, because of course we have to discuss red. But by the end, I felt brave. I said ‘Girl, surprise me.’
My god, what a surprise.
She returned with a Sephora-Collection liquid lipstick in a rich, dark teal color. I was afraid, but a good afraid. By the time she was through with me, I was no mere princess. I was a queen. As it happens, our very next stop was a character-dining restaurant at Disney’s California Adventure[3], in which you’re visited by princesses at your table. I was bestowed the title of ‘on fleek’ by Ariel, which I’m told is highest of compliments. Things did take a tragic turn when I had to take the teal masterpiece off, after I had eaten my lunch though. Parting is such sweet sorrow…and it might leave a colorful moustache on your face if you don’t use makeup remover. That just goes to show Sephora Collection liquid lipstick won’t go down without a fight.
Really, I have to give enormous props to Dianna for essentially turning me into a statuesque queen, from your average girl with a generic radio face. Bonus, she had to suffer through questions like ‘ what happens between jumpcuts that makes the product actually blend in a way that doesn’t suck?’ and ‘does the color of the beautyblender matter?’[4]
I ended up walking away from the experience with a better understanding of what I needed, and also with a look that could kill a fully-grown mountain troll…and about a hundred dollars worth of new makeup. I’m so thankful for this experience. Dianna was a rock star, and so was everyone else in Sephora. With any luck, I will have practiced my own skills enough to recreate the look. I almost cried when I had to take it all off.
If you’re ever in the market for some new makeup, set up an appointment for a custom makeover! My experience was stellar. Browse their website, and do your research. It was a very fulfilling venture for me, so I encourage anyone who is curious to check it out.
I’d love you know your thoughts!
Tell me about your experiences with makeovers like these, what went wrong or right for you?
Are my metaphors as bad as they sound in my head?
Do you think beautyblenders have different purposes based on their colors? (Have mercy on my ignorant soul.)
What other weird things have you assumed about fancy makeup contraptions?
As you might have guessed, I’m fairly new to the blogging scene, and I don’t suppose I’m any good at it. Let’s learn how to do this, together. I’d love to hear feedback. I hope to get a haul post up at some point, this month. Until next time!!
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1. What even is reality TV?
2. At least my eyeliner is sharper than my metaphors…
3. The perks of having a partner who works for Disney.
4. It doesn’t.
Face for Radio 